Written by NZINGHA for TheGlamSquadFiles™
The “NEGATORS”…(smh), some people. The NEGATORS to creative people to Artists (real Artists)…You wonder where they come from and why are they in your life?! Creative people bring light, beauty and clearer perspective to the world, then why are they faced with the “negators challenge”?
Why?? Because these people LACK VISION they don’t see YOU AS YOU ARE, they see you AS THEY ARE!!!
THEY DON’T SEE YOU FOR WHO YOU REALLY ARE, THEY SEE YOU AS THEY REALLY ARE!!!
Here’s a mind blower…they are in your inner circle! You don’t even have to go far to find them. These individuals will grieve your spirit and throw water on the burning urgent flames of your dreams!
They have no business in your inner circle. Withdraw from them, stay away from them even if you do have to work with them or even live with them in your home.
These individuals actually think they know your future and are the judge and jury of your life!
And here’s something else to take note of ….they know when you are in a vulnerable position or situation and they take that opportunity (an opportunity that would not normally be there if not for circumstances/situations that leave you vulnerable and without covering) to hearl all kinds of negativity at you to break you down even further (because this gives them a sense of power, control and false authority over your life).
But,…YOU BE STRONG ANYWAY!!!
And know that there are people who get it and are PATRONS OF THE ART! Look, even if they’re in your face and in your ear you can TUNE THEM OUT!! You can tune them out even if they are right in your face…oh yes you can, trust me.
Remember who you are, who you really are and don’t forget what your dreams are. Stay focused! This is were you have to have tunnel vision about your life.
The dream that was spoken to YOUR HEART was NOT SPOKEN TO THEIRS! These are your dreams for yourself and your life! This has NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM!!
So, here’s just my mini list of NEGATORS that I’ve observed and personally delay with, that may help you to sidestep if you can. And this first one is the biggest one its why I’ve chosen to elaborate a bit more on this one. Because it’s the one that can hurt the dream the most.
1) Family of Unbelievers
This one is the most hurtful because your opposition can come from the same household. They’re supposed to be on your side! However, sometimes even in your own household you will find foes that you have to move past and through.
They don’t believe good can come from you or even should come from you. But I have news for you and them…you will be the very one they need, will call on, can help them.
they think they know you so well they can overlooking the greatness in you and fight against your destiny. In fact they are in direct opposition to it. Mmmm it’s a head scratcher right?
they have a problem with you, but it’s really them resistance your purpose
This is a problem with vision and thinking outside of the boxes of entrapment and their own disappointments. Not knowing anything other than what they’re familiar with. It’s simply called ignorance.
They are impatient with your process and have put an unseen expiration date on your life, goals and accomplishments. It’s the pressure of you should’ve had it by now! Or worse comparing your life to theirs. Humph how dare they compare and be so arrogant and prideful about their lives. Life is full of examples of gravity…
They will accuse you of being arrogant, arrogant for daring to pursue your dream. To speak your dreams out loud, to dare to go forward and not listen to them. They may try to actually assassinate your reputation or character in front of other family members, your friends and yes even strangers.
They think that you should be and do whatever they say because you are their family or child. Even if they have been negative through your process they feel they are entitled to sharing in your victory and success when it happens! But all along it was never about you growing into your being but it was all about them!
2) Negative Reporters
Oh, the spies that are always silently watching, waiting for a fall in your life to happen. If you listen to them long enough they will talk you out of your dreams and purpose! Don’t you quit, give up or throw in the towel!!
They see evil, speak evil, hear evil. You can’t take these folks seriously because their perception is off!! These kinds of people always see the glass half empty!
Lack of vision
3) Dream Killers, Haters and Nay Sayers
This is what you may face when dealing with these types of individuals:
Conspiring with others
They Are Never Happy When You’re Around
4) Fear Mongers
If they are fearful they will turn their backs and walk away from you. And you know what that’s okay! Yes, it’s okay really.
Better they walk away than stay in your inner circle and do something or say something out of FEAR! Being a freelancer takes extreme COURAGE!
Freelancers know that there will be ebbs and flows in their creative lives…this takes courage to deal with the unknown. Your mind has to be clear and focused in your goals towards creative and business success.
5) Leaders but No Real Authority
These are individuals you may be working with. They may be your supervisor, team leader, department supervisors, keys, second in command you get the picture. Just because they are in higher positions does not mean they are higher in their thoughts, hearts and deeds.
When you are in a position where you have to take direction you must maintain yourself and be wise. You may experience negativity from them and may face these elements:
No matter what the chronically visionless think…In the end viZionaire YOU WIN!
JEALOUSY On Set! Pretty/Ugly…It’s Not Easy Seeing Green
Written by NZINGHA for ZFACEINC,nyc
“The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves.”
1. suspicion, distrust, mistrust, possessiveness, doubt, spite, resentment, wariness, ill-will, dubiety example: At first his jealousy only showed in small ways – he didn’t mind me talking to other guys.
2. envy, resentment, resentfulness, enviousness, spite, hatred, malice, ill will, covetousness, malignity, the green-eyed monster (informal) Her beauty causes jealousy.
Jealousy is a feeling of resentment, anger or outrage over an alleged injustice done in a relationship.
Jealousy can also come out as a feeling of envy or inferiority.
What causes Jealousy?
Insecurity in relationships causes jealousy, which is often accompanied with feelings of anger and inferiority. Jealousy may also stem from envy of others because of their abilities, material possessions, or popularity among peers.
Okay, so now that you have some idea where I’m going here with this story. Jealousy gets its arms and legs from the roots of FEAR, INSECURITY, INFERIORITY, ANGER and ENVY.
Envy escalated is Jealousy! Well we’ve all encountered at some point in our lives someone who may be envious of us but when you have someone who is jealous of you it can border on detriment.
Someone who is jealous of you does not want you to have the possession, position, ability or person that you have nor to share it with anyone else.
Here we see two of the most well known Super Models contending with that ol monster JEALOUSY! Jealousy in the workplace is difficult to handle but can be won by simply making a choice to confront it. Confronting it strips it’s power away from causing more havoc on both parties and possibly to an entire work project.
What I find really interesting in this interview/chat with Tyra and Naomi, is how Tyra is about getting healing and Naomi is still in a state of denial. That usually comes when jealousy escalates to bullying. And in this case her “bullying” was trying to make Tyra fear her, being manipulative in situations, and even sabotaging her from employment!!
But the truth is Tyra was the bigger person in this story. And in the end though Naomi is still a Super Model and always will be because she was groundbreaking. Yet Tyra’s name and body of work still surpasses Naomi’s in a whole other way…Tyra is becoming a multimedia mogul!!!!!
What do you think the best way to handle jealousy in the workplace is?
Tyra listed these as the 7 Deadly Sins against Sisterhood
MY TRUE ON SET STORIES:
I was called to work on a TV Pilot project being shot in New York while I was working on another project being shot in Florida. The NY project needed me to come in right away but I’d already been committed to the project I was on in Florida.
The NY TV project required a Unionized Department Head (that would’ve been me). They needed me to come and prep the project and break down the script. I told them I would commit to the project for sure but I’m not going to be able to prep (shopping and meetings with crew) the job while I was in Florida. However, as a solution, I would be able to break down the script scene by scene so whomever my Key would be could shop appropriately for each characters Makeup as I’d broken it down.
They agreed and locked me into a contract and agreed that I was on the project as officially the Department Head upon my return from Florida. However the project in Florida ran a bit over the time I was to be there so, in my absence the production company would have the young lady who was to be my Key become Department Head and move forward to prep the job. Now I would be the Key Makeup Artist and we’d have a Day Playing Makeup Assistant.
The young lady they chose for the project was not in the Union as a registered Makeup Artist. But in order to have the project go up without a glitch they would use my Union Status to move forward with the project in the Makeup Department even though now I was the Key Makeup Artist. And from this she would get her Union hours to join and then she would eventually get into the Union (MANIPULATION).
I agreed not knowing all this was going on. But in truth who cares we were both getting the same salary!! Anyway, when I came in it turns out it was an old acquaintance colleague, who I would later find out had held a grudge against me for years. So now we would now be working side by side, she as the Department Head and myself as her assisting Key Makeup Artist.
Well, on this picture I’d known several of the actors. And other actors had known of me by reputation and wanted to work with me. This picture would now be that opportunity for us to work together. While in the trailer on our first day I’d spoken to the other Artist about how she wanted to work the project since she’d not called me while I was in Florida to execute our work strategy (truth be told she was clueless, still didn’t know how to break down the script and had a deplorably unkempt kit that the actors would wind up complaining to production about).
I chose to be gracious though I’d fast seen there was an invisible wall put up by her. At first I couldn’t figure it out but further in conversation I found out, she was intimidated by my presence and by the fact that the players and even production had worked with me before.
Yet again I remained gracious to her and remained respectful of our positions on the project.
So now, still being gracious, I found myself left in the trailer 3 days in a row!!!! From call time to wrap time doing absolutely nothing and with no instructions(mind you everyone on set saw this happening Actors, Producers and even PA’s).
I’d ask her if she wanted me to do anything, like cover her on set since there were several female players in the scene plus the lead actress, to helping her with her continuity book. She clearly stated she did NOT WANT MY HELP!! Her grudge against me was bigger than obvious productivity!!
On the second week of the project come Monday morning I was still in the trailer doing absolutely nothing (mind you still getting paid)!!! I was frustrated and embarrassed not just for myself but for her! Truth be told I wanted to walk off the project, give her one good backhanded slap and punch her in the face!!! But,…I would not give her the satisfaction of me lowering my personal standards of excellent behavior to meet her lack of experience and ignorance.
So, this day the lead actress (who’d wanted to work with me for a long time and whom I’d had many conversations by phone and at various events) came in the trailer and asked me after a week of me being stationed by the Department Head to stay in the trailer.
She said “NZINGHA, are you really just NOT gonna do makeup on this job? Are you serious?! What’s up with that for real?!” All of this happened in front of the Department Head…so, I answered her “My dear its nothing personal but I’m not the Department Head on this project she is and I am the Key Makeup Artist on this project, therefore I am getting my directives from her. And so far I have not been given further instructions. I’d love to do your makeup but I’m following the Department Heads lead.”
The actress then says “So, let me get this straight, you are not allowed to do my makeup or anyone else’s on this set, you are not to even come on set to help with touch ups but you are to just sit here in this trailer?! For real?!?! Where do they do that?! That’s some BS!! What’s going on in here I wanna know right now?! Cause you are an amazing Artist!! What’s really going on?!”
I said to the actress “I’ll leave that answer to the Department Head.” And the actress and I both looked at her for the answer. Then the actress said to her “WELL?!”.
The DH began to speak, slowly and confessed her grudge towards me. It had been age old on some misinformation shed received. Not realizing in that previous work experience where she was my assistant, I’d covered her back. She’d also mentioned following my career asking producers who’d worked with me what my rates were. Basically makeup stalking me!
“Love your haters – they’re your biggest fans”
On that other project, I covered her!!! I covered her, when in truth she should’ve been drop kicked by me!!! I was gracious to her!!!! The truth was the production on the other job, did drop kick her AND kick her to the curb! WHY? Because she had a bad attitude, a filthy kit and they didn’t want to pay her NOR DID THEY PAY HER !!!
She was my assistant on that job and I wound up coming out of my own pocket to pay her for the job, since the production company didn’t pay her. In fact they’d said they would NEVER HIRE HER AGAIN!!! I asked why and they gave me a list of reasons. I was embarrassed because I’d worked on many projects with them and my reputation would be at stake for this one project that I placed her on! REALLY?!
Now all of this dialogue is happening at the actresses request in front of her as awkward as it was she became the voice of reason to this DH. She told her “You are looking like a fool honey and everybody on set is talking about it!! You need to let Nzingha do her job!! If she is hired to assist you then you need to let her do it! The Exec Producers are watching what’s been going down and you’re the one looking bad not Nzingha cause they’ve worked with her before! And, not only that but I was under the impression that she was the DH!!!”
Well, I won’t go any further but, all I can say is we talked it out I had to put a bug in her ear Woman to Woman. “This is not the only project in the world and you never know who you will come across again in life…BE CAREFUL HOW YOU TREAT OTHER PEOPLE! Because someone’s always watching and taking notes.”
Afterwards even the Producers had to speak to her. She finally had me work on one of the actors and come on set (Turns out the lead actor she didn’t want to do. Why? Because shed deemed him as “difficult”. Turns out he wanted me for a previous project he’d worked on and I’d been out of the country and couldn’t work that film) . The Producers and Director apologized to me for her behaviour! Imagine that!?!,? They’d said they knew it wasn’t me that was causing the disturbance.
True Story #2
Sometimes those that are Jealous come in many forms…CONTROLLING, MANIPULATING, IGNORING, GOSSIPING, LISTENING TO GOSSIP, BULLYING, LYING, WANTING TO BELIEVE LIES, SABOTAGING and more.
Wel,…l lets say all of the above were in effect on this one project. In a nutshell, I was a first hire before anyone was hired in the Makeup Department. I had a strong presentation for the director and was immediately hired! He then hired a more seasoned Makeup Artist to Department Head (30+ years) she then hired her Key Makeup Artist and I would be the Assisting Key Makeup Artist.
Well, here we go again the Key was instantly intimidated by me. As we moved further into the project she began saying nasty little things as I would enter a room, then it escalated to being behind my back to others, then finally to the Department Head. The DH wanted to believe her because they’d had established a working relationship long before this project. Unfortunately the DH didn’t know her girl was 5150 (police code for certifiably crazy).
One afternoon on the set shed said something nasty and I heard it and she didn’t care that she was loud, my first inclination was to “Go NZINGHA 85 (1985)” on her and give her a “West Indian Bronx Beatdown” because she surely deserved it at this point.
Everyone on set seemed to wanted to believe her garbage about me. It was truly the grace of GOD defending me on that set. I felt alone and ganged up on, defenceless because shed set me up several times. And no one wanted to hear my side or believe me. She’d gotten to the point that she was trying to get me fired! She did everything she could from blatant manipulation to Makeup Sabotage!!
I’m not going to go further into the chaos she caused on that set but she showed her bottom one last go round on another project that that same DH hired her on and at that point she got even crazier and from what I understood tried to sabotage and get her boss fired so she could be elevated as DH for that show!!! IMAGINE THE NERVE!!!
Well divine justice came out of that incident her ugly masked cover was blown and she had a divine “Casey Hayenes Body Slam”!!! BOOM FLAT ON HER FACE!!!
Casey Hayenes | Bullied No More
Yes we recognize as compassionate people that bullies have been themselves bullied in their past and like a Stockholm Syndrome they become repeat offenders until it all comes to a screeching halt!! And the truth is revealed that you’re really scared you wont ever work again. and you know what you’re right!!! The lesson learned here is you can seem like you’re getting away with foolishness for a while but ultimately you will be confronted! And everything that’s hidden in darkness will come to the light in time.
And if the deed is inexcusable not only will you get “body slammed” but NO ONE will feel sorry for you…the jealous, tragic, insecure, bully.